My First Post

Much of what we do as being on this planet is counted in time. We spend birthdays counting the years of the ones we love, we spend years in school learning and creating our minds. Time can move fast or slow depending on what we doing, and can even stop when a baby is born or a heart gets broken. Memories are just figments of time from the past, and we always see fit to look towards time in the future.

For me, my memory has always been a far better tool than any part of my brain. I have constantly been good at testing for this reason, and I find it easy to quote from books or stories I haven't read in may months or even years. This has gotten me quite far in a scholarly capacity, but I admit that sometimes it has been to my demise. That being said, I have always been a person who spends a lot of time looking into the past for answers, and always the bad side of my past. It has slowly eaten at me over the years, and rather than be able to move into the future, I tend to wallow in the things that I have done or said and not fully understand how to move on.

But then something popped into my head the other day, and it just won't let go - 

THE MISTAKES THAT YOU MAKE MAKE WHO YOU ARE, BUT YOU ARE NOT THE MISTAKES YOU'VE MADE.

And as much as I believe this to now be true, and how much I would like to continue to repeat this in my head, it hasn't fully come to fruition for me to mentally grasp. So now I have this fundamental urge to work towards believing this goal and finding answers for my future, not wallowing in my past.

So today I start this gratitude journal, to find positive energy in the present so I can move on from my past. Everyday I will take the time to write five positive things that have come from that day and use them as fuel for the future. Normally you are not supposed to share your gratitude journal, but why not show people who you are grateful for the things you are grateful for? Plus, I hope that many of you join me on this journey and we can help push each other to strive for positive thinking in our everyday lives.

That being said, I would like to start now. Since this is my first one, and I am very overwhelmed with sadness from this past week of affairs, they will be more focused to those who have helped me really push through this hard time.

My Five things I am grateful for today:

1. My Best friend's Lindsey and Anastasia -

There kindness and passion to find me happiness in a dark time is beyond measure. As quickly as I fell down, they came to pick me up. I am thankful that they are not scared to speak the truth, both positive and negative, and their strength in spirituality is beyond measure. I am so happy to be staying at their house right now, and they have encouraged me so much to get back on my feet and embrace why they call me "Sunny Sunshine." They are beautiful women that I truly admire, and the way they embrace the world is so honorable. I am so happy to call them friends.

2. My Mom -

 Who has stuck with me through everything, even when I thought I didn't deserve her. Being the strong woman she is, she has never stepped in the way of my mistakes. Rather, she has let me make them and encouraged me to move forward and learn. She has been such a positive romodel in my life. Her passion for her friends and family, and for her children's friends and their families is so large, and her outreach has warmed the hearts of so many people. I aspire to be a woman just like my mom, who was so much grace, wisdom, and beauty to give the world. When things got rough, she would always tell me to "grab life by the bootstraps and keep moving." I am, mommy, I promise.

3. My Best friend, Kathleen -

 Who has just gone through a very similar struggle that I am fighting now, and has given me so many good words of wisdom to take as part of my journey. She's a fighter, and her excitement for life is so inspiring. She makes me happy to be alive when I am around her, and I treasure every single memory that she is part of. I am so happy we have stayed friends for so long, and that we get to continue our friendship into the future. 

4. God - Who has carried me through a lot of pain, and whose voice I hear around me now, and who I can feel in the universe around me. I can feel myself understanding that I am a part of his creation and that I am his flesh, and because of that I can perform miracles.

5. My family, for calling, messaging, facebooking, and doing whatever they can to make sure I am ok. I am so privileged to be part of something so caring and unique, and our laughter as a family is the best memory anyone could ask for. You have empowered me with as much confidence as I can muster at this time, but I promise that it is carrying me through, and just know that I am so grateful for the time you have taken to show how much you love me. I love you, too.

DESIDERATA

- Ashley